Growing Up With PTSD

May 1, 2015, 16:08 PM
I have it. For years I wished I didn't, but I do. It's been with me for 30 years now. I have PTSD. I got it due to child abuse, domestic violence, & sexual assault throughout my lifetime. Depression & anxiety developed after not taking care of myself properly for 15 years. I was self-medicating with drugs & alcohol, acting out, having failed relationships, & becoming a workaholic. Once I got treatment, I learned coping skills, better boundaries, & how to communicate with others. It did not happen overnight. I had to work hard to learn how to manage my recovery, to not numb out, to create a healthy lifestyle. Yet I was still filled with shame, shame from my past. And so I would not talk about it much, only in little bits or privately if I felt safe. And then people were making me feel bad about this, telling me to be quiet. It was like nailing boards over the bathroom door when the plumbing needs to be fixed; don't go in there! But that was about them, not me. One day the pipes burst & there I was surrounded by water, no way to hide my shame. But here's the weird thing, I finally accepted it. It was time to call a plumber. And then I was ok with it. I now consider myself as having PTG, Post-Traumatic Growth. And I am stronger for it.

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